In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Doanld Gough

Do you know how we often try to change the person we are with in a relationship? We try to argue them into being different, trick them into being different, threaten, maniputlate and even plead with them to be different.

Do you know what the problem with this plan is? You cannot change another person. And what's worse, all your efforts to try to get someone to be different usually leads to the opposite result. It's human nature to want to resist someone who is trying to change us.

This is because the bottom line problem is that the only person we can change is ourselves. And that is tough enough most of the time.

Relationships are like a dance

As a marriage therapist and couples coach, I have learned that I can work with a couple even if only one person is coming to my office or talking to me on the phone.

Sounds strange, but work with me here.

Picture a ballroom dancing floor, the kind with all the steps to a dance laid out in the form of footprints on the floor. Follow the steps of the footprints, and you dance a certaiin dance.

Change just your steps in the dance, and your partner has to change their steps as well.

In your relationship, change some of your steps in the dance for the better, and see what happens.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com