Have you ever wondered why your marriage isnt happier? If so, youre not alone. Numerous spouses are struggling with the same question. At least part of the answer may lie in the words you use in your self-talk and in what you say to your spouse. And what you believe, the lies you tell to yourself or to your spouse, and what you deny or rationalize will all affect your marriage intimacy and happiness. Read the following ten statements and see if you recognize yourself in any of them. If so, its never too late to make positive changes. 1. It doesnt matter if I dont tell the complete truth once in awhile as long as not knowing doesnt hurt him in any way. (Youre lying to yourself.) 2. Im not going to tell him how much our daughters prom dress really cost because it would only upset him. (Lying never solves the real problem.) 3. Shed come unglued if she knew my old girlfriend called me today, so I just wont mention it. (And when she finds out later, youll have some major trust issues to work through.) 4. The only reason Im telling you that youre getting fat and need to lose weight is for your own good. (But thats not the only reason youre bringing this up, and your spouse knows it.) 5. It doesnt matter if we dont have sex very often now that weve been married for five years. (Youre only fooling yourself.) 6. I deserve to be treated better, and Im going to find a way to get even. (The game of getting even always has two losers.) 7. It doesnt matter what I look like and how I dress now that were married. (Neatness and cleanliness always count, and dressing up for a date with your spouse can add excitement to your relationship.) 8. Wed be happier if you were more like Jackies husband. (Youre implying that youd like him better if he changed. Your spouse will resent you for the comparison and be even more resistant to changing.) 9. Were going to do something special together just as soon as the car is paid off (our son graduates from college, the house is paid for, we build up our savings, etc.). (Even on a low-cost budget, you can find special things to do to have fun and build memories now.) 10. Ill really be happy when I retire in fifteen years. (Focusing on future contentment is a set up for missing opportunities to be happy now in the present momenthappy with yourself, your spouse, your marriage, and your life.) |
